Tomorrow marks the 5th month I’ve been in Azerbaijan. It’s been like a semester abroad, but with a couple more semesters tagged on. I never studied abroad like I originally had hopes of doing in college; so, now, which would technically be my senior year of college, I’m doing it and am already done with about 19% of my studies.
I’ve been thinking a lot about time lately and how much can change in what seems to be such a short amount of it. These past 5 months I’ve missed out on a lot things going on with my network of loved ones back home, as I’m sure we all have, but it seems to be so much more intense back there now that I am not present. Loved ones aren’t healthy, are losing (or are on the verge of losing) people important to their/our lives, are fighting battles that require presence, patience and support and I’m coming to see how my physical non-presence is effecting my ability to support the people I care most about. And, I don’t know if I’m quite ready to handle that epiphany of sorts. I’ve known that this was occurring for a long time and was something I was initially concerned about over the summer before my departure. I was able to find comfort in the security of my relationships and still do know that the people I care most about will still be in my life once I return, but it’s been painstakingly difficult to not be able to be the go-to soundboard I used to be for them. It’s hard to not be able to run by a grocery store or a loved one’s favorite restaurant and pick them up a surprise to take over to their house when they’re not at their best. Not being able to provide a hug, voice, or commentary has been missed.
It’s life, though; I know. We grow up, we separate, we reunite and, if we don’t, we’ve still influenced each other and live in memory and actions. I’m confident, still, that this 81% I have yet to go will be what studying abroad should be. I’ll continue grow, learn about life, the world, and myself, and will be able to continually manage long-distance relationships that will be stronger for the separation. Taking the events that have occurred the past 5 months and multiplying them by 5… well, my friends, we’ll have a lot to catch up on and build from. Please know, friends and family, and the friends who are my family, that I love you and think of you daily. Though we’re not able to be physically in each other’s lives at the present moment, we are still present and are able to share, bond, love, and support each other from a distance. The things you’re dealing with right now, I can still be the friend you’ve come to know and count on, it’ll just be in a different manner of communication.
Be strong and I will do try to do the same; fight your demons, be victorious, and learn. We always have the opportunity to learn from life, so keep on studying in the school that follows you for a lifetime.
P.S. This isn’t meant to be a Debbie Downer post, more like a message to support those of you who my thoughts are with during this period of time. Seriously, things aren’t bad and I’m enjoying being here. I have great events I’m missing back home, too, like Melody being pregnant and a baby being an addition to my family come May. Big things like missing the birth of my niece! That’s an awesome and positive event. So, seriously, I am fine, but I just want to support you all as much as I can from a distance.
1 comment:
I started a blog this year as part of a new year's resolution. I had no idea you had one. We're so alike in our dorky ways sometimes :)
I can't imagine how you feel. But know that although we all miss you, we are so proud of you for what you're doing. We can't wait till you get back, though!
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