Change.

April 2008
(For a Buddhism class)

It’s funny how everything that goes on in the world can be interpreted to be applicable to some facet of Buddhism. A new form of the noise came at me today while watching Senator Barack Obama speak at Trask Coliseum.

This was the situation: Trask was filled to capacity with people who so desperately want to believe in the government, in change, in hope, in something, or, perhaps, just in anything. I was sitting close, right behind the Presidential hopeful. 1:00 pm comes about and there’s an overwhelming and overt noise that expressed more sadness hidden behind excitement than I could, in that moment, fathom. The Senator comes on stage and begins his speech making sure to woo the crowd.

The rest was surreal. I listened, but I don’t think I heard. My mind’s noise took over with the idea of institutionalization and how, even if we wanted to not be a part of a controlled group, we couldn’t escape it in this society. We are governed and, ultimately, controlled by the panya*, which is what Senator Obama really is to us… the face of power. He isn’t power in himself; he is power because the people with power are willing to give him the panya to make him be perceived as power. We are controlled and in the “box” because of the institutionalization and façade the panya can create. We are still and, perhaps sadly, probably realistically, will always be so institutionalized that we cannot begin to recognize the influence and depth of panya in how we live.

This noise is something wild. It completely took over everything I could have heard and resulted in me not being one of those desperate people who took words at face value. I couldn’t believe. I tried conveying it to another today just to receive awkward glances and comments regarding cynicism and paranoia. In that moment, though, and in my processing of said event, I had an epiphany of sorts… one that saw the largest box that we are all just in and this all came through the noise.

*money

January 21, 2009

January 20, 2009. A significant day in history. As you all know, I am currently serving in the Peace Corps (a US government organization) and am living in Azerbaijan. This life choice combined with the events occurring in the States placed me in an interesting cross yesterday, the day Barack Obama was inaugurated into office as my President. January 20 was not only significant for us and the world as a result of this event, but it is also significant here, in Azerbaijan, as a day of mourning. The Soviet army on January 20, 1990 attacked protestors in the capital, Baku, who had called for Independence. They received independence in 1991, but to what measurable quantity is debatable.

Since being in Azerbaijan, I have found that my pride for my country has grown exponentially because of our freedoms, inalienable rights, abilities, and culture as a product of different minds and nationalities intertwining. I have appreciated more of my past opportunities due to being away. I know that my country has flaws and that those flaws run deep, but on the reverse side we have so much more chance to do whatever it is we want. We are a nation that struggles, but reaps great benefits because of it. We are what we are as an outcome of tumultuous times and strength embodied in face of it. You all should know, by now, that struggle, to me, is the point of life because, without it, we cannot know victory or joy. I believe that we need both sides to illuminate the beauty in each and that each are contingent upon the other. Camus was not wasted on me.

Also, if you knew or know me at all, you know that because of the philosophy I carry, it has typically resulted in me questioning all authority and being discontented in my government. I was the first to say that I believe government, especially the office of the President, are nothing but pawns for the people who really have control, the people with money. Though I do still believe this to some extent, I also believe that one figure who has the ability through rhetoric and charm can speak to a mass majority and that that mass majority can, together, gain power because, in America, we do have voices that are relatively listened to.

It was surprising for a lot of you to process why it was I, the one who did not believe in the government, chose to go into a government organization. I, of course, had selfish motives and still do, but I know that something in my mind has been swayed since being abroad; I have spoken more of politics, gained a respect for my government, and, surprisingly, found myself defending America more than I ever thought I would have to, more specifically, defending Bush. One of my selfish and human motives was to expand my mind and experiences, and these tasks have forced me to do as such.

I may be swept in by the euphoria of possibility that so many believe Obama symbolizes and I, at this moment, have become one of those people that I pitied in the States who seemed too vulnerable and in need for my taste, but, today, still recollecting the lingering words of Obama’s inauguration speech I downloaded to read a day later, an proud to be an American.