Softballin': A Year Later

For the past 2 months, Mingechevir has been practicing softball twice a week for the Spring season. Practice has been great - very high attendance rates, lots of veteran players, and quite fun. A few weeks ago was supposed to be our first tournament in Mingechevir, but we were sadly rained out. So, this past weekend was the first Western Tournament in Gence.

Remarkably, and a feat in and of itself, the entire team showed up at the meeting spot at the designated time and we left ahead of schedule. I was quite proud. Unfortunately, some hot heads early in the tournament day made some of my pride fade away.

We played 3 games, all 40 minutes long. Our first game was against Sheki. We had an early lead, but our team got a bit too cocky and sloppy late in the game. We finished up 12-11 Mingechevir. The second game was against a new team, Tovuz. Tovuz had already won their first game against Gence at 7-6 and that was our fate, as well. This game, though, is quite notable because each team had an air of bad sportsmanship stinking up the field. It was the most intense game and, for me, the most frustrating. In a way, I wish both teams could've lost this one. The final game was the opposite of everything the 2nd game was and spirits were high as we went against our 'rivals,' Gence. After threatening to pull people out of the game, the team was able to push aside their attitudes and start supporting other teams. We were able to win the final game 13-7. Currently, we're tied for first with Tovuz with a 2-1 record.

I've been working with this project for 3 seasons now and it's still one of the most fun things I get to do. Even though this round had problems that we had never had before, we do have a fantastic group of kids. Sometimes, though, as much as I hate to admit it, this team needs to learn how to lose... something they've really never had to do before. Hopefully, they'll learn from this first tournament for the next 2 (of which I'll sadly be absent from) and come out on top the right way.

That Second Year Mindset.

With it getting dark 6PM or before, I find that I have a lot of time. Time to watch movies, listen to podcasts and music, read, lesson plan and reflect on my life past and present as well as attempt to try to plan for the future.

I know my posts as of late have been quite reflective on my past year here, but tonight's focal line of thought was about who I was over a year ago when I was still in Wilmington wasting away my summer days hanging out and drinking my nights away downtown. I can't say that fun wasn't had, but that time post college and pre Peace Corps was also something very heavy, uncertain, and confusing. Looking back on my photos from that past life of mine, I can barely recognize that lifestyle anymore and I've come to think when I'm back in that environment, that I don't think I'll take back to it. We'll see, of course, and there will most assuredly be many socially awkward encounters, but I don't see that type of life as mine anymore. I guess, when I really think about it and come down to one feeling about the entirety... I feel so much older than that person then. And, with that thought, a huge part of me feels incredibly absurd as I know how young it is I am and how much life I have yet to live.

I never really understood how people become old and I never thought I really wanted to find that out, but I'm seeing that it just happens. It happens when you're living out commitments and planning for the future ones. It happens when you're reflecting on the past just to realize another day, week, month has passed. Being here a year puts that into perspective for me. And, I know, next year, at this time, I'll be getting ready to jet set out of this popsicle stand in search of my next one.

We're at the point in our service that the next step is all on our minds. We need to take those GREs, think about what it is we want to pursue when we get back, hope that the job market is ready for those ideas of ours... we're figuring out where we want to go afterwards, be it vacation or to live... I feel like it's just one of those times where complete uncertainty just hangs above our heads. I can't speak for the whole of my group, but I know it's on the minds of the ones I've talked to. But, also, while we're in our own heads trying to answer those unpredictable and badgering questions, we're still volunteers. And, I think, having that distraction is incredibly beneficial.

Being here a year has taken its toll, but we're more able to realize what we're actually able to accomplish here and, honestly, life as a volunteer is easier. We're used to this life and we know what is and isn't possible in the environment we're in. I feel successful in the projects and relationships I've invested in. If I can be so content a year in, I'm hoping that by the end of it all I can feel like I've done a good thing and a service to my country, Azerbaijan, and myself.

My countdown has finally taken it's turn. It's no longer counting how many months I've been here, but how little time I feel I have left. Next thing I know it'll be 2010 and my year to go home... granted at the very end of it, but it's the year, nonetheless.

If I Had Known Then...

Last week, I returned to Sumgayit.  It wasn't the first time since I got out of PST (Pre-Service Training) that I went back, but it was the first time I went back when a new group of trainees were also there.  The AZ7s have arrived and are going full force into cultural immersion in Sumgayit trying to learn the subtleties of the culture and gaining language and work skills to function as a volunteer.  

Going back was probably one of the strangest experiences I've had in this country.  It wasn't bad, at all, but it was incredibly surreal.  I was in the same exact place I was a year ago watching a new group go through what I and my fellow 6s went through.  It was odd being on the other side seeing them adapt to the 'wonders' of Sumgayit for their first real week and suddenly becoming qualified to lead a session at a Hub Day (and not playing Scrabble in the back row) and being a source to answer questions about volunteer life.  I guess we're officially not the newbies anymore.

With my return to Sumgayit was also my return to my old host family.  That was pretty much the one condition I had upon returning to facilitate a session.  I wanted to stay with my family.  Volunteers aren't supposed to go into Sumgayit when the Trainees are there; so, to be able to go back while they were there and do everything I wanted to do was nice.  In returning to my family, I essentially returned home.  A year ago, I was the bumbling quiet American girl in that house trying to communicate in baby phrases and barely making appearances out of my room. Not saying I'm not still that person in some ways... I definitely still pause in conversation, but it was easy this time around.  My family has a new Trainee staying with them this year and it was amazing to be able to serve as a translator and a guide of sorts for her.  I broke that family in for an American and seeing how comfortable she already seems to be... well, you can tell.  I can honestly say, full heartedly, that I love that family.  When I go there, I am in the company of a group of people that genuinely cares for me and enjoys my presence however bizarre it may be.  My dad still jokes with me about playing sports and is still proud when I tell him how games go and how many points I score.  My mom still brings up all those embarrassing stories of my first weeks in country while still being the most loving and animated woman I know here.  And, my sister still teaches me new things about my family and gives me fabulous back massages.  My days back home were incredible and filled with laughter, great food, fun stories, and, yes, a few misunderstandings, but it was cozy, familiar, and secure.  I also came home with 3 jars of my mom's murabbe (fruit preserves), so that was a bonus.

Since I was there on Sunday as well, I found myself at a familiar hangout - the Dove. The Dove is a spot where, every Sunday, you could find an American.  PST is filled with language classes, training sessions, studying, homework, and other tedious assignments.  Sundays were our only day off.  So, at the end of the week, some of us would play some soccer and/or grab a beer (or more) to unwind until we began another intense and tiring week.  I made a comment to the 7s there that it was surreal being in that same exact spot I probably was a year ago but with a whole new group of people.  As out of place as that is for me now, it was a good experience being able to go back and get to know the new group on a more social level in an environment I knew well.  

If I had known then what I know now I would've been able to get about and understand more, but I would have also lost the extreme optimism I had when I first came in.  It was surprising to see how into Peace Corps they are right now and it was a shocking experience for me to see how far away I've gotten away from that this past year at site. It was nice to be reminded of the excitement and enthusiasm that I might have lost.  I think it is extremely beneficial to take what I learned from this return to my Azerbaijani roots and return to site with a different attitude about my service.

So, thank you Sumgayit, family, AZ7s and new friends for those good days, the flood of old memories, and the needed mental refresher.  

Goodbye Tiny Cats.

This week marked the 11th week of me with kittens.  It was only half of them as on the 1st Andrea took Baskin and Robbins.  3 cats were a lot easier to handle than 5, but it was still a bit much.  Alexis was in line to take Runt cat and then it would have been just me, Scout, and Beast cat until I would be able to find her a home.  

Well, things change.

Monday night/Tuesday early morning, Runt cat died.  I don't know what happened, but when I went outside for the morning feeding, Runt cat didn't run up per usual.  I went searching and found him laying in his favorite sleeping spot not breathing.  I take a bit of comfort seeing he was in his spot, so he might have just slipped away peacefully. 

So, Alexis took Beast cat Wednesday night.  

I'm not going to lie; it was harder for me than I originally thought it would be.  Beast cat was my favorite and the one I got attached to most; but, by the last day, I also noticed Beast cat might have inherited her mom's needy gene as well.

Now it's down to one cat and myself.  The way it was always supposed to be.  And, now, I can be like the cool grandma that just visits and catsits for all the kittens without actually having to live with them all.  When I'm tired of the mewing, I can peace out.

It's strange to think about me having these kittens for the entirety of this summer.  A lot has went on and changed since their birth.  I've found out quite a bit about myself during this venture, too...

The most notable realization of mine during this time?  Although I love cats and the thrill of raising kittens was fun, wacky, and exciting, I will never have the patience to be a crazy cat lady when I get old... lesson learned.

When You See Asparagus, Buy it... Always Buy it.

Last week, wandering through the bazaar, me, Agsu Rachel, and sitemate Laura almost had a cow - we saw bunches of asparagus! Typically, this would not be a highlight of the day, much less the week, but here in AZ, it's a world where those types of ideas are flipped.  Normal here is no way normal by home standards and typical is what you all would probably think atypical.  

I've slowly learned a lesson here about products, though, when you see something you want, buy it (especially in the regions)!  Yes, it hurts the volunteer budget, but the likelihood that you'll see that particular something again is a gamble that you'll probably lose.  I've been good at taking my advice about buying things (chocolate chip cookies, Pringles, curry, Ferrio Roche chocolates), but this past month, with the move and coming off Georgia spending, I've been dirt poor.  So, that day in the bazaar, I saw asparagus and I passed it up.

Further more, I banked on asparagus man having asparagus today.  I planned an asparagus stir-fry tonight with a box of tofu an amazing sitemate, Bev, provided, but, alas, no asparagus, no asparagus stir-fry.  The main ingredient is non-existent and, for the second day in a row, I've been disappointed with a small thing about AZ.

When life doesn't give you asparagus, make a better stir-fry.  :)

Be Yourself... Pretend Sometimes.

Let's start off this entry with a quick apology to those who read as I have not been good at blogging lately.  As previously mentioned, I go through writing phases.  Sometimes, I'm on and full speed ahead.  Sadly, though, most times I am not, especially lately as I've been eagerly awaiting my move to my very own apartment!  Host family living, that last part in particular, was something insanely difficult.  Alas, it is done now and I am happily hanging out in my awesome kitchen, listening to music, and staying warm during this cold spurt by sitting next to my lit gas stove's open fire... amazing heater, I know.  So, friends, please accept my apology.  If you're on facebook, you may know by now that I've uploaded my Georgia pictures, so, hopefully you enjoyed those.  A whole-hearted apology goes out to Ms. Larson, who I've heard through the grapevine told a cluster-mate of mine that I need to write more.

Anyways, now that that business is taken care of... let me wish you all a happy Wrigley Field Opening Day!!!  I wore my Cubs shirt, played softball, and made a bet with a fellow volunteer (who's a Cardnals' fan).  I think that chalks up to be a good celebration of the season's home start.  Not to mention, Johnson's catch against the Brewers!  Wowsers!

I've been thinking a lot today about my past year.  Probably because my birthday is in just under an hour (my time)... I've thought of all the steps forward I've taken, the steps I've skipped, and the ones that pulled me back quite a ways.  Overall, I think this has been a good year.  

One year ago, I was waiting for an impending graduation day, finishing all my school, internship, organization, and PAR work, worrying about my upcoming Peace Corps life, trying to manage and strengthen relationships I feared would be lost, and attempting to figure out where it was I was going to live over the summer before my departure.  Though all those thoughts and things were my reality, I found a bit of time to celebrate my birthday.  It's strange to think of how busy I used to be all the time being an over-extended student, worker, young adult, person... Luckily, I found that chunk of time to celebrate and kick off an amazingly unique new year of life.  

I was getting ready and I put on my favorite earrings, one read "Be Yourself," the other "Pretend Sometimes."  I'm happy to say I believe this past year was one that I was truly myself.  At the nights' end, I lost the "Pretend Sometimes" and I just recently started using the "Be Yourself" as a charm alongside my tree on my necklace.  I think this year has been the one where I grew the most, the one where I can withdraw some of the best memories I'll ever be able to, the one where experience outweighed ideas and contributed to them something ineffable... this past year was the one where not only I was myself, but the one where I've been the closest of knowing who I am so that I could be myself.  Knowing that I'm in a causal strain of life where one thing will inevitably effect another, I'm always changing, but this year, I was onto something...

So, here's to another year of life.  This one upcoming year will be my full birth year cycle in Azerbaijan... I can only hope I will be able to learn as much not being busy as I did this past one. 

P.S, I tried to post a picture, but my internet is too slow...  sorry.